What are your thoughts on aging? How will you stay young at heart as you get older?
I thought I would start off with this, not because it is a lame “Daily Prompt” but because it caught my eye, and it has so much relevance to being a mother. Because becoming a young mother was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and though I did not choose it, it chose me.
Instagram & Facebook, I have noticed, make it fairly easy for all of your acquaintances to misinterpret your life. If you never thought twice about me, which 95% of you don’t, you might assume
- Ray and I never, ever fight.
- I get zero sleep because I have a baby, and yet I have no bags underneath my eyes and my makeup is always absolutely perfect.
- We don’t struggle financially.
- Everything is handed to me, my new little Volkswagen, my new cozy apartment, and my perfect little family.
And seriously. Why would it not appear that way? My relentless beautified selfies, videos of Marley and I laughing it up, overly gushy statuses about how I want to spend the rest of my life with Ray. You have no choice but to assume that my life is perfect, and that’s basically what social media is for. Right?
But none of it is true. Yeah yeah, post is supposed to be about staying forever young, but I’m getting there.
Ray and I- we fight about terrible things. We fight because I don’t talk loud enough. We fight because I’m a living wreck and can’t keep my clothes off the bathroom floor and my shed hair out of the sink. But I fucking love him. To pieces. And every single thing I’ve ever said about him via social media, is totally and 100% true. I get sleep because I would bitch constantly if I didn’t. Marley sleeps through the night, so come on my life can’t be that rough all of the time. Struggling financially? That’s an understatement. And I don’t say this to make someone feel better, because that’s pointless. We’re freakin’ broke. I am constantly on my calculator- “I get paid this day and Ray gets paid this day, we have our bills this day this day and this day so we’ll have how much left…” and it’s never impressive. But we’re making it. I work for everything I have, and I was raised a spoiled rotten girl, so I have more to say for myself than some.
But how the hell am I supposed to stay young when I spend all of my time doing adult things like paying bills and putting Marley to sleep? And I had to really think about this one.
I remember years ago, back in the magical days of MySpace. I would wait for days. Maybe for weeks. For a song to release on some small band’s profile. They might go in at midnight and upload their new tune, and I would cry upon hearing it, because it was just so god damn good and how could something be so great? And I’ll never forget the hurt, and the happiness a single song could make me feel. It’s like everything that song was made for, I felt. Every word that was placed so metaphorically and perfectly into that song dropped into my mind like stones in a pond and goosebumps appeared on my arms and nothing mattered in those three and a half minutes. Nothing but the beat and the lyrics of that song.
Now, now that life sits on my shoulders and my stresses are tied to my feet, now I need youth more than ever. I need some underground MySpace song to bring back the life inside of me that used to be there. I need my fire to be ignited because after a while I think everybody’s fire just dwindles into nothing and then where does that leave us?